Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
