1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I smell stomach acid.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
