There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
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I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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