i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
