he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
