Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
