girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
