The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
