And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
