Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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