then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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