I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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