47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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