Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
