The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
