Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
