He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
