All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
