I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
