Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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