im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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