Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
