Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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