Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
