Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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