I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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