if i can run in heels then i can drive
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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