It's like a parade of train wrecks.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
