I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
His nipple licking is glorious
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