haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
