So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize