I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
