I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
