Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
