it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
