I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
