If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
