It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
