hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
