Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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