Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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