we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
