what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
