shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
