It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
