i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
