yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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