return my video game
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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