there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
