You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize