the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
