I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
