look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
