I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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