the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
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Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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