Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
