I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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